We signed up for 30 days for 30 dollars. I am on day 30. My last day. I have come to class routinely. I have stayed in the room. I have learned the 26 postures. (I can correctly do one of them). But here I am, once again giving it my all. Dripping with sweat. No, seriously, buckets. I didn't know beads of sweat could form into such gushing rivers. I am trying to breathe correctly. Breathing correctly in yoga is huge. It's one of the most important things. I have discovered two things about breathing in yoga. Number one: I can't do it. And number two: it is impossible to breathe correctly while silently screaming curses at your instructor in your head. Ok, Breathe. Breathe. In and out. In and out. Ok. Doing ok so far.
We are on Eagle pose. This is one of the poses I have come close to mastering. It involves pretty much twisting your whole body like a pretzel while standing. Your arms twist, your legs twist, your hair twists, your face twists. It is only because of my chicken legs that I am almost, just barely, able to achieve this pose. (sidebar: yes, chicken legs. Thank you, Laura. True story: Laura, Mike and I sitting watching the playoffs last weekend. The subject somehow, inexplicably, turns to my legs. The legs that Laura long ago deemed chicken legs. I pull out my laptop and google image chicken legs. Me: I do not have chicken legs. Laura: sorry, Mom, yes, you do. Mike: Peach, go put on your running tights so we can see your chicken legs. 67% of the people in this room will get a kick out of it). In Eagle pose I can easily twist my legs around each other. I look around the room. Everyone around me is struggling. (I suppose I should mention here that the entire row behind me is brand new. It's their very first class. At this point they are splayed out on their mats, crying). I twist my legs. I twist my arms. I sit down lower in the pose. I arch my back further in the pose. I breathe in. I breathe out. I hold the posture. I am doing it. I am doing it!! Yes!! Success!! I did it. I did Eagle Pose!!
I am so happy. I am grinning from ear to ear. I look around me. My neighbors are grinning, too. They are so happy for me. They realize just how much it took for me to do Eagle Pose. They are grinning at me. And pointing. And laughing. Wait. Laughing? Why are they laughing? I look down.
My shorts are on inside out.
I lose my breathing as the cursing starts again.