are floaties allowed?

Saturday, November 9, 2013

To see, or not to see

I am in a fight.  With my eyes.  I want to see.  My eyes want to sit there looking blue.  And not let me see.  My eyes are winning.

Awhile ago I was told I needed glasses.  And not just a cute pair of readers.  I needed big girl glasses. The kind you wear all the time.  At first I was kind of excited about this news.  Glasses.  A new accessory.  I'm great at accessorizing.  Accessorizing is fun.   I do it daily.  Wake up, have coffee, shower, get dressed, accessorize.   I got this.

I head to Lens Crafters to pick out my new accessory.  Five hours, three exhausted Lens Crafters employees, one long suffering husband and two thousand pairs of discarded glasses later, I have my new accessory.  Super cute, shiny black with little crystal flowers on the sides.  This is great.  I love my new glasses.  It's my new look.  I look smarter.  I am smarter.  I am a new, smarter, cute, glasses wearing woman.

I put my new, cute, make-me-smarter glasses on, admire myself in the mirror one last time, wave good-bye to the Lens Crafters employees (wow, they must really like me...they are cheering as I leave the store) and head out the door.  I have a spring in my step as I walk along in my new super cute fashion accessory.  I am smiling, admiring the world around me which is now suddenly all so vibrant and crystal clear.  I am loving this brand new world.  I am loving this new, confident, super smart woman I have become.  I am happy, I am carefree,  I am.....falling off the curb!!  

My new, cute, make-me-look-smart glasses are progressives.  Now, maybe you don't know what progressives are. Oh sweet, innocent, lucky you.  Progressives are glasses that have different powers in the same lens.  So you have one power in the top for seeing distance, another power on the bottom for reading, and a third power in the middle for...middle seeing.

Apparently wearing progressives takes some getting used to.  And it involves a bit of coordination.  Your eyes and your head have to work together in perfect harmony.  You have to get used to moving your head this way to see far, dipping your head that way to see near,  swiveling your head this way or that to see anything at all.  Well, apparently, my eyes and my head don't work well together.  There is no harmony.  They are not friends.  There is virtually no communication between my eyes and my head.  None.  I had not known about theses enemies within before my new venture into eyeglass world.  As it turns out,  my eyes move....a lot.  Glancing, darting, sweeping, surveying, scanning, giving the once over, having a look-see, taking a gander, and, of course, rolling.  My eyes move way before my head is ready.  In my pre-glasses life, this eye activity was perfectly acceptable.  I did it constantly and was happily oblivious to it.  Post-glasses, however, I became acutely aware of the horrible disconnect happening between my eyes and my head.  I became aware of it as my head was in a near constant state of whiplash trying to keep up with my ever moving eyes so that I could see out of my new glasses.

I've tried.  I really have.  They said it would take a while so I have tried.   It's been three years.

And so, dear 20 followers and 2 lurkers, I have entered the world of contacts.  Let's just say the entry has not been smooth.

It all started when I went to Monica for my contact lens fitting.   And made Monica cry.

To be continued.......

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