REALLY "TRI" ING


are floaties allowed?

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Bob Maxon said it would rain later in the day.  So I had to go for a morning run.  I am not a morning run  person.  My body doesn't work yet.  But it was a running day.  (sidebar:  no, I have not signed up for another triathlon.  yet.  but I still think in terms of days:  running day, biking day, swimming day.  Even though I had to give my borrowed bike back.  And even though I both fear and hate the water again and just the thought of jumping into a pool right now makes me cry real tears).  So I laced up and headed out the door by seven.


I chose to run in my neighborhood.  Roads I have run a thousand times before.  Roads I know like the back of my hand.  Regular houses, yards, trees, streets that loop around in circles.  Not Stratton.  Not the forest.  Regular, out in the open roads.

I was on mile three.  Coming up a slight hill.  In between a stretch of houses.  A few more trees here.   Decision time:  straight or left.  Straight it's a little bit longer home, left around that corner...shorter to home but a long, tough hill.  Hmm...which to do, which to do....I guess I will go......
WWWAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  OMG!OMG!OMG!OMG!    A bear.  A bear.  A BEAR!!!!!!!!!    THERE IS A BEAR.  There is a bear RIGHT THERE where I turn left.  A gigantic, real,  live  black bear.   If I take one  step closer  I will be in an actual  bear hug.  My brain is spinning.  I am freaking out.  I realize I am running.  I am running two steps away from a bear.  Some deep-rooted, subconscious self preservation instinct kicks in (cuz it sure isn't any part of my actual brain working as my real life brain is in absolute non-functioning panic mode) and makes my legs stop moving.   You are absolutely, positively not supposed to run near a bear.  I freeze.   No sudden moves.  Ok.  No sudden moves.  No sudden moves.  WhatdoIdo?whatdoIdo?WHATDOIDO???????  Help.  Help.  HELP I scream in my head.  I hazard a quick look around.  I am alone.  Completely and utterly alone.  No cars.  No people.  No houses close enough.  It's just me and the bear.  I look at the bear.  The bear looks at me.  There is a bear looking at me.  I will my heart to stop crashing into my chest so I can breathe.   I have to get out of here,  preferably alive.  It definitely occurs to me that I am at the total mercy of this bear.  With one step and one good swipe of his mighty paw....ok, ok, let's not go there. What? What do I do?  Do I try to make friends with it.... reach out and pet it? Scratch under it's chin?  Or maybe I should try to sweet talk it?   Butter it up a little so it doesn't, you know, kill me.  Something like "oh, what a good bear.  What a big bear you are.   What a pretty bear.  Such a pretty bear.   Look at that pretty black coat you have.  So thick and shiny.  You must deep condition routinely."   No, no.  That won't work.  What?  What else?   I  e-v-e-r-   s-o-  s-l-o-w-l-y  take a small step backwards.  Still looking at the bear.  Bear still looking at me.  He doesn't move.  I take another tiny step back.  And another.  Slow and easy.  Breathe.   I can do this.  Very, very slowly I inch my way backwards, away from the bear.  The bear slowly gets up.   ohgodohgodohgod.  I freeze again.   He starts to move.  omgomgomg.  Please, please, please..... The big black bear slowly turns and lumbers.....away from me.  I watch him go.  I watch him until I can no longer see him, until he is completely gone. And then I turn.  And run.

  Apparently, I should have been a sprinter.  At age 40 something I have just discovered that I could have been an Olympic gold medal winner in the 100 meter dash.  Or the 200 meter dash.  Or any distance.  As it turns out, having an up close and personal encounter with a bear does something positively miraculous to your running pace.




2 comments:

  1. I went running in my little neighborhood today and literally rehearsed in my mind the entire scenario of what I would do if I was running and came upon a bear. In my imaginary peril I planned to drop down to the ground, face down, and play dead... I gave a lot of thought to whether or not I would do this on the asphalt if I had to, or if I would feign toward the grass... Now I have apparently learned I would back way slowly praying for my life... Really? The eye contact though... I don't know about that... Somebody up there likes you sister!

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  2. Jo,
    Your approach is one hundred percent correct for a grizzly. My new friend was a black bear. Let us hope your imaginary peril remains just that...but good to know you are prepared for any eventuality.

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